Really, as I see it, most women face a really difficult task finding a companionable male. Don't get me wrong, I'm not conceited or arrogant. I have more than my share of things to be humble about. But at least it's differeint from what you may have experienced with most other men. My idea of conversation has nothing to do with team sports or cars. I don't talk about women as if they were pieces of meat needing to be tenderized. Sexuality has relatively little to do with "Tab A into Slot B," just as a fun drive in the country has relatively little to do with pushing the accelerator as hard as possible. Touching is important. But the only touching young men get any instruction in is how to hit, tackle, or wrestle. These aren't useful skills in most relationships. Not that women don't tend to have their flaws, too. Mars has it's set of challenges, and Venus has an entirely different set of challenges. But still, looking at the business of finding a good companion, I'm mystified as to why more women aren't trying to be lesbians. Oh, and my challenges would be more like Mercury or Pluto. I know what you're thinking. "Who is this weird guy who is extolling (and by implication, suggesting he shows) the traditionally feminine virtues of empathy, sensuality, emotional availability, and cooperation? He must be gay. Or at least bi." No, actually, I'm completely straight. It just so happens I also like and get along with women as people. Imagine that. ISO....pleasant, pleasing compantionship. ISO...well, "best friend" or "soulmate" would be grand. But I fear I'm more likely to find a pearl in the next oyster I eat. When people say they're looking for a LTR, I get the odd impression that they're looking for someone they can comfortably introduce to their parents, or show off at the office party, or help them raise their ren, or use in place of a 401(k). Well, it just so happens I might fit most of those bills, but I'm really just looking for pleasant, pleasing companionship. I'm not looking for, nor interested in being, a trophy or strategic asset. ISO...well, my experiences to date (note weak pun) suggests that many commonplace exclusion criteria aren't relevant. Be of legal age, and spry enough to ride a bicycle. Yes, "chemistry is important." For me, that seems to boil down to simply a pretty face and agreeable perality. What's unimportant are things like bra size, height, ethnicity, age, hair color, shape of legs or presence thereof, primary language, income or investment portfolio, formal education, religious tradition, hobbies, or customary foods. In my experience, all of these are completely irrelevant as to whether I can share pleasant, pleasing companionship with a woman. Oh, do look and smell clean. But a woman being "done up" does nothing for me. Makeup almost always detracts from how attractive a woman is. Physically, a woman is most attractive to me when she's fresh out of the shower. Or still in it, for that matter. ISO...agreeable perality. This is the deal breaker. You've got to be open-minded, tolerant, far more interested in experiencing the world than in judging it. Very slow to anger (or else very quick to apologize), distaste for conflict, but strong enough to negotiate differences and misunderstandings before they become conflicts. Honesty is assumed. Openness is wonderful, but I can pry it out of you, if you'd rather. D+S aside, understand that giving of oneself is the most important thing any of us does in this world. Understand that appreciatively letting others be good to us is sometimes a great gift itself. Laugh easily. Relish humor. You don't have to like relish, though. Tolerate poor puns. Enjoy being touched. Take joy in pleasing and being pleased. Often. Very often. Like, who needs a television? Best wishes and happy hunting, -- Steve

My Ideal Person Good companionship, like good sex, is 80% attitude, 15% experience, and 5% physical qualities. I like to please and be pleasant, especially with one who feels likewise. Oh, that minimum height requirement? One foot one inch? I'm afraid that's firm.

In search of: an adult friend!
Not a bad term for the kind of relationship I’m after. What I’m NOT after:

anonymous sex
casual sex
one night stands
players
swingers
partner swapping
professional sex workers
nor
“long-term relationship”
“committed relationship”
Ken and Barbie relationship
serial dates
“just friends”

I think there are millions of us. Unhappily celibate or too close to celibate. But not looking for a typical boyfriend or girlfriend either. Wanting friendly companionship with sexuality included, but without possessiveness or jealousy or control. Nor irresponsibility.

In our society, it’s acceptable for a man and a woman to be friends. And friends spend enjoyable time with each other; friends help each other with their needs; friends take care of each other. But not sexually. Why not? I can’t see why not. Who passed that law? I never voted for it. I’m looking for a sexual friend.

I guess many people have too much trouble with feelings of possessiveness, jealousy, or control. Maybe they can’t have a sexual friendship and still be a good friend. I’m not one of them. I’m not even possessive about my possessions. I don’t recall ever feeling jealous or wanting to control anyone. I’ve got my hands full just controlling my own life. And I’m happy for my friends’ happiness. If they’re also happy being with another person, I’m happy for them. But if somebody hurts my friend, the bad guy had better watch out.

What kind of woman might be interested in a sexual friendship, an “adult friend”? I can think of all kinds of possibilities:

A woman in a committed relationship whose partner is away or unavailable and perhaps isn’t expecting to be celibate, either;
A bisexual woman with a female partner, who might want male companionship on occasion without the guy expecting to have a threesome or trying to “convert” her;
A woman in a relationship with a man she doesn’t want to leave, but who can’t or won’t satisfy her needs, perhaps from ill-health or being clueless;
A woman seriously committed to a career or to raising children, but not wanting to live a celibate life as a price for the committment;
A woman who doesn’t want to live with a man, but doesn’t want to be celibate as a consequence, nor put up with selfish casual lovers.
A woman who is discouraged by all the unhappily married couples she sees around her, and decides not to take that path, but also isn’t willing to be celibate as a price for the choice;
A woman who isn’t attracted to the sort of guy her family would approve of, but doesn’t want to endure either the kind of man they would like, nor to endure the family’s disapproval of her choice of company.
A woman who wants to explore her sexuality but doesn’t feel comfortable doing so with a boyfriend she’s anxious to look like a “good girl” with. A woman who would like to be able to talk about sex with a man without pressure, to learn how to please a man, to learn how to show a man how to please her.
A woman with a high sex drive, who doesn’t want to have to endure callous “players” to get satisfaction, or endure the unpleasant aspects of endless one-night-stands. But is far from happy with just toys, either.

Being honest and open about sexual expectations can prevent an enormous waste of time and hurt feelings. It’s a lot easier in many ways to get through all that awkward “feeling out the other person” on-line first. You can lay out your expectations and big “issues” FIRST, without having to drop your anonymity. When it looks like everything may work out nicely, then a meeting in-person could be done.

The other nice thing about using the internet to meet such people is that you don’t have to be coralled into the restrictions of online singles services. ISO adult friend not just bed buddy. Can turn up the very person you’re trying to reach. The web is an awesome tool. Then you can send an e-mail with a return e-mail address and there’s no more third party to interfere.

Obviously, sex without exclusive commitment means being particularly careful to be safe. I’m tested and clean, and want to stay that way. But being safe doesn’t mean not being aroused or sexually satisfied. There’s a lot that can be done to please using lips and tongue and fingers and toys. And condoms work pretty well, too. And I’ve had a vasectomy.

My tastes? In terms of an adult friend, I’m not finicky about appearance. A good lover is made 80% by attitude, such as desire to please and enjoyment in being pleased, 15% by experience, and 5% by physical qualities. Being pleasant counts for much more than bra size. I’d be hesitant to try to be with a woman younger than 25, unless she’s remarkably mature. Or with one over 55 or so. Or one who is terribly overweight; less than 200 lbs would be good. Unless you’re incredibly tall, which would be fine. Short works, too, as long as weight is proportional. Being a kind, compassionate, gentle soul is more important than body or dress or manners or makeup or perfume or hair color or style .

My tastes in activities? Oddly I don’t have much in the way of particular fantasies, fetishes, or scripts that I’m after. I’m not into B+D or pain or playing in degrading ways; I’m not even particularly fond of using cuss words during sex. But, I really get aroused by arousing my partner. If my partner wants soft restraints or a blindfold or a “script” or toys, I’m generally happy to please. I don’t judge other people’s tastes in how to get aroused. You can try to reach me. by same name. at the y place.

I do rather like giving orally. And receiving, too. But I think I actually like giving better. I rather like letting my partner relax and let me tease her, arouse her, and bring her to climax without her being distracted by having to please me at the same time. But then switching the roles is nice, too.

Is that too much to ask?

Tell one of your favorite sexual fantasies. Don't hold back!:
Scroll down. I wrote some stuff farther down the page.

Really, the thing I fantasize about is pleasing my partner. Really. We can talk about that.

Have you ever had cybersex?:
I've tried it, but it's just not the same.

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